Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
