i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
