U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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