You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
