I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
