So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize