it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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