I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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