waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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