just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you win again, gameday.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
