didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
