Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
