You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
