She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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