matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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