I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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