I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
