As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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