Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
