So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
