I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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