Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
