I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
