i wish starbucks made bloody marys
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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