Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
