I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
