I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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