omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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