just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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