all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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