you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are we still banned from the library?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
