Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
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