Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
