jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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