i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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