So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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