Pants 0. Shit 1.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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