That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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