dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
