When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
