I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
