It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize