Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
