i would punch a child for taco bell
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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