hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
