Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
