He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
