My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
