The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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