What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So many bounce houses so little time
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
