Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize