I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
