morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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