So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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