How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
