it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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