Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
