she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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