would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
