the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
