if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
