Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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