I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
