Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
