Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
