Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
