do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
