At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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