wanna go halves on a baby?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
