Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
