I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
