But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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